after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
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Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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