dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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