I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
