John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
