I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
