I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
