First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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