he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
