like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
