Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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