this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
