Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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