I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
