the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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