i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
