Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh god it's open bar.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
