I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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