You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
