I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
