Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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