I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
