i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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