i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Randomize
