im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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