Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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