TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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