WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
