I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
