you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
