C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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