Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
