I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
