All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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