I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
