One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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