So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize