I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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