In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize