I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
