I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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