She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
accomplished twins. life is a go
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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