Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
