it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
