what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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