There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
