dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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