I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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