She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
