Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
