That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This baby is an asshole
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
