So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
