Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
