i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize