Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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