giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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