he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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