All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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