Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
