I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
