You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
