i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
